Several days past the election results ………..
Modi supporters still continue celebrations while Rahul Gandhi is still quizzed, “Why?” even after so many empowering rallies, people failed him. Especially the women whom he had particularly empowered. He feels 10 out of 7 women deceived him. It is difficult for Rahul to understand the “state of mind of women”. He had expected the empowered woman would supply enormous votes to him, just the way they supply enormous milk (in his own words) to Amul factory in Gujarat He is surprised at Modi’s victory even though Modi never empowered any women. He often questions his Mom at dinner table ”How and why Modi?” Rahul plans to take a break and retreat to Columbia where one of his girlfriends, the daughter of the drug lord lives. He has taken oath to stay away from anything which has “bar” in it, like “beer bar”, “dance bar”, “Hookah bar” etc. because it reminds him of “Abki bar….. Modi Sarkar”. The words “Abki bar….Abki bar” have been haunting him since 2 weeks.
It is still hot summer. Kejri babu still has his woolen muffler wrapped around his head and neck. “Aam topi” still adorns his personality. Kejri is again at Jantar Manatar on dharna. This time his dharna is against the people themselves for giving mandate to Modi. A big banner on his back reads “Sab mile huye hain. Sab chor hain. Janata bhi Modi sey mili hui hai. Hum sangharsh karenge. Hum janata ko bhi harayenge”. Unfortunately this time he is alone since all AAPians are back to their homes, families and jobs which they had left for Kejriwal’s krantikaari andolan. Kejri babu has also started coaching classes on “dharna” and “saaf rajneeti”. Meanwhile Bollywood is taking useful lessons from Kejiriwal about timings of release of new movies. Ramgopal Verma began work on his new movie called “AK49” – Bin goli ka pistol, inspired by Kejriwal. Scheduled to release in 49 days after election, this project will be completed in record time. Actors and actresses will be decided through a mandate from cinema viewers via SMSes and missed calls. RGV plans to offer first 1000 tickets for free. Street jhaduwalas and jhaduwalis are expected to get heavy discount on tickets for the entire period the movie runs in theater. To the jahduwallas’ delight, the theaters will be swept by former AAP karyakartas. “Aam” topis left during election campaign will be given as gift to the movie viewers before leaving the theater. After the sacrifice of Delhi CM seat and falling short only by 270 votes for PM seat, Kejri babu now plans to go global; for the US President’s seat. Off course the modus operandi will still be “dharna”. People close to him have however cautioned him about the lack of good roads for dharna in USA. And also the risk of such plan on roads, since there are more cars than people on the roads in USA. Also, US drivers are drunk and nasty. We wish him well. Kumar Vishwas is found reciting his poems on streets and squares and thanking people for generous donations they are offering. He hopes to regain the money he had donated for the party during election.
Sonia Gandhi, after 25 long years, finally, cleared the “Prarambhik Hindi Siksha” entrance exam and started her “Hindi” classes. All these years, the responsibility to control and operate Manmohan Singh with a sophisticated remote kept her busy and away from learning Hindi. Also the responsibility towards her favorite son, daughter and damad ji left no time for such extra-curricular activities. But now she has ample time to learn, after losing the elections. In fact, only from the first week’s class, she is able to clearly differentiate between “Bhartiyata” and “Bar Tea Aata”. Less Indians know about her allegiance to “Bar”, her skills in kneading “aata” and making “tea”. She is also able to clearly pronounce “Maut ka saudagar”, instead of “Mooth Ka Soda Ghar”. The beloved lady has also gained confidence to debate facing people, without burying her face in the notes that her daughter prepares for her.
Meanwhile, Mani Shankar Ayyar is seen in the “Be a Tea expert in a week” classes newly opened in Anna Nagar, Chennai. He realized that he underestimated the power of “Chai”. He now acknowledges that “Making good Tea” is the foundation for making a good PM. Undoubtedly, Mani aspires to be a PM one day and so joined the classes on making “Tea”. He has pledged to make and sell tea to entire Tamil Nadu including daily service to BJP regional offices in Tamil Nadu, until he becomes expert in the art.
Manmohan Singh is finally free from all the wirings running over his body and the switches and sensors that controlled his hands, legs and mouth via remote. Manmohan’s wife had earlier stormed Sonia madam’s house just after the election results and snatched back the remote from her which rightly belonged to her but was illegally taken away by Sonia and used for 10 years. Mannu ji’s wife has smashed the remote so that it does not fall in bad hands again. Mannu ji can finally walk and talk by himselves without the wirings, switches, sensors and remote. Mannu ji is retired in a remote village by the hill, in Punjab. It has been reported by some villagers, who have seen him regularly on top of the hill, his voice very load and finally clearly heard from even 2 miles away, his fist clenched and hands raised in sky, shouting “Sonia mai tumhe nahi chchodunga. Pappu mai mere apmaan ka badla jaroor loonga” Villagers say that he does this exercise daily 10 times and then retires back home and relaxes for the rest of the day.
Mulayam, Laloo, Nitish, Akhilesh, Beni Prasad bought new dhotis and are headed to Varanasi to take a dip in Ganga to wash their campaign time sins. They plan a night visit to the banks of Ganga because of the fear of getting caught by Modi supporters at Varanasi ghats. By the way, Laloo changed his name as promised, that he will do so if Modi becomes PM. He has taken the new name “Chaloo Prasad Yadav”
Shahruk Khan is keeping his promise of leaving India after Modi becomes PM. He is packing his bags to leave to a place unknown. L K Advani still wakes up daily in the morning after dreaming of PM seat. Digvijaya Singh got married a week after election results and is happily settled. N D Tiwari at 88 is ready to welcome his new baby.
Arnab Goswami continues with his debates and rants and his evil plots of calling guest speakers on his show to only let himself speak and question and put his own words in the guest’s mouth and then to conclude that the guest has no answer for his questions. Viewers miss comedians like irritating “Sanjay Jha”, the camel neck “Randeep Surjewala”, the witch faced “Amee Yagnik” on Arnab’s show. Former AAPians now appear on the show since they are the only people available freely after the elections. They feel grateful to Arnab to offer a place to sit in his studio, an alternative to dharna.
Aam janata is busy again in their life working morning to night to earn their bread. Retired janata still meets at public parks to discuss future politics and to remember the great old days of youth. Children are enjoying sweet “aam” as it is the “mango” season and there is large supply of “aam” in market.
And….. life goes on.