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Posts tagged ‘non muslims’

“Jannatyaan” – Mission to Paradise

Kapistan, Upgunistan and Jokistan along with other oil rich countries, envious of India’s success of the Mars orbiter “Mangalyaan” launched their own much awaited satellite called “Jannatyaan”, immediately following the news of Mangalyaan’s launch. “Jannatyaan” will explore the relatively unknown planet called “Jannat”. The “Jannat” planet was first discovered by an ancient Arab scientist and was kept as a close guarded secret until this time, known only to the secret society. While “Mangalyaan” is still to enter the orbit of Mars, it is claimed that “Jannatyaan” has already reached the “Jannat” planet’s orbit in record time, just in a day of its launch. Made from special material that resembles the camel skin and propelled by the rarest and special fuel with an efficiency of one million kilometers per liter and only found in the deserts of Arabia, the “Jannatyaan” is the most fuel efficient, most economical, and most sophisticated satellite to be ever developed in the history of mankind, sources claim.

It had been a long quest for many people faithful to BAIT – the coalition of the secret societies of ”Boko Haram”,“Al Qaida”, “ISIS” the new pioneer in space science and defense, and “Taliban” the society of pure students, to explore the “Jannat” planet that was much talked in the close circles of these secret societies. Now that the secret is being openly revealed to the world, the scientists of BAIT claim that the “Jannat” planet is not part of the solar system, but outside of it and much beyond it. Rotating alone on its own axis, “Jannat” is a secluded, beautiful milky planet, millions of miles away from earth and which the world has not known so far. The planet is abode to several million virgin “houris”, the celestial beauties with large black dove eyes, smooth fair milky skin and beautiful bodies. Rivers of milk and honey and wine and whisky and vodka and some desi daroo flow there in, between trees of dates and almonds and raisins and grapes and walnuts. The virgin “houris” on the planet never age, nor do they go through nature’s cycle, BAIT scientists claim. They are pure as pearl, in the words of the BAIT. The BAIT scientists are proud of their achievement and snob that their mission will cover more than million times the distance “Mangalyaan” would cover and costs one tenth the cost of Mangalyaan. Before “Jannatyaan”, “Mangalyaan” will look inferior, BAIT scientists grin. The “Jannatyaan” is capable of taking Hi-Definition 1080 pixel close-up pictures and videos of the “Jannat” planet and the “houris” and other nature’s beauty there, which “Mangalyaan” cannot. The idea behind using such hi-tech technology for photography on the satellite is to send back pictures of “houris” on “Jannat” planet directly to the cell phones of the soldiers of BAIT, the scientist say. BAIT believes that these pictures will motivate the soldiers of the army division of BAIT, who are fighting the non-believers around the world with a belief that one day they will get to see and meet the “houris” of “Jannat” which they are promised if they fight the non-believers and slay them in the fight. BAIT’s soldiers are presently demotivated because they only get to hear about the dove eyed seductive “houris” on jannat planet, and how their beauty never fades, and how their lustful gaze captivates the hearts of the bravest of the fighters, but they never get to meet or see pictures of any. They feel sad about it. Some of the soldiers have in fact boycotted the fight saying that unless they see a proof that of “houris” and “Jannat” for real, they will not fight. A section of the army in fact sat on dharna, inspired by the activist leader of India, Mr. Fekriwal, and demanded proof of “houris” of “Jannat” planet to continue the fight. The morale of the army is at all-time low. With “Jannatyaan” BAIT believes that the morale of the fighters on ground will boost again, once they see the hi-definition pictures of the houris with their lustful smiles and captivating beauty. It will rejuvenate them. It will also confirm that “Jannat” planet is not just an illusion but a reality and it will motivate the fighters to fight to their full strength. With these rejuvenated fighters, BAIT believes that it will capture the entire world and bring the non-believers to justice, especially America and its allies.

In a press conference telecasted live on the popular television channel, the bearded spokesperson of “BAIT” with a black turban, Mr. Bakbakuddin-All-Faiq declared that this is a victory to the faithful. With the exploration of “Jannat” planet, a new era has begun, he claims. Now that the planet has been discovered, BAIT plans to lay air routes directly from the battlefield to the “Jannat” planet. This special air route will be capable of instant transfer of the departed soldiers to “Jannat” planet in a special rocket made just for this, so that the martyred soldiers reach “Jannat” quickly and enjoy with the “houris” and the eternal bliss there in. In fact, just after the news about “Jannatyaan” broke, there was an overwhelming response to participate in this mission from faithful people around the world in anticipation of going to “Jannat”. So much has been the demand that the offices of BAIT are overflowing with applications from candidates around the world. Young and old are equally curious and excited about this “Jannatyaan” mission in general and the “houris” on the “Jannat” planet in particular. The spokesperson of BAIT however categorically stated that, the “Jannat” planet is only permitted to the believers and not to enemies, especially not for Americans, Israelis and Indians since they are non-believers and the enemies of BAIT, the society of believers. As the BAIT spokesperson closed his statements with the press, he praised the lord and slit the throat of a nearby American journalist to prove that BAIT’s words were final and there was no questioning them, when the journalist foolishly tried to question him about the authenticity of this mission. America and its allies have now started to take BAIT seriously, which they earlier ignored as small “bait”. They have realized that BAIT is big bait that has already lured large number of people in its mission.

Applauds and best wishes are flooding in to BAIT’s office from around the world. A grand camel procession stretching from Morocco in the west to Kapistan in the east is organized to celebrate this grand success of BAIT and is to be broadcasted live on television.


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